In My Day…80’s Style

A bit of humor from my mates:

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning… uphill both ways ..through year ’round blizzards … carrying their younger siblings on their backs… to their one-room schoolhouse, where they maintained a Straight-A average despite their full-time, after-school job at the local textile mill… where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids … about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!
Now that I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today.  You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don’t know how good you’ve got it!  I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet …we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter….with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ’d usually talk over the beginning and f@#* it all up!

You want to hear about hardship? You couldn’t just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the  7- 11! Those were your options!

We didn’t have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn’t know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Play station videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids"
and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! …
Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat in front of you and you couldn’t see you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network!

You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning…
D’ya hear what I’m   Saying!?! We had to wait ALL
WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!

We didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up… we had to use the stove … imagine that! If we wanted popcorn… we had to use that stupid jiffy pop and shake it over the stove like an idiot forever.

That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled, you guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980.

In my day, we didn’t have these DVDs where you can just jump ahead to
the good parts in the movie (where people were blowing things up or
were naked).  We had to fast forward all the way through an entire
video tape, and even then the picture would probably be screwed up by
those damn ‘tracking’ lines.  And none of this "digital multichannel
stereo" either.  If you didn’t like the sound of the single 3-inch
speaker on your TV set, TOUGH.  And we had two options in our "TV
service providers": UHF and VHF! And you could never quite get the UHF
stations to tune in, and once you got it, if you moved away from the
TV, the picture would get all screwed up again. So you were forced to
watch your favorite shows standing three feet to the right of the TV
with your right hand in front of you and your left hand on your head!
But TV was good and educational in those days, with SchoolHouse Rock
and Afterschool Specials, not like this crap they have today.  And
speaking of which, in my day, nobody could see Mr. Snuffalupagus except
Big Bird, and when the adults didn’t see him, you just had to scream
and cry!  And don’t EVEN get me started on that little $#%^& Elmo.

Add your own here in the comments section!


One response to “In My Day…80’s Style

  1. Good one Joseph. I can relate. . .

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